Everything seem's unclear for me..
Everything seem's bored for me..
My mum keep think about him..
All we ever think and mambling about is only him..
Last 4 days ago..tuesday..
I'm still in office..and practice for audition...
But what i receive...about my dad..
"KAK, CEPAT DATANG HOSPITAL, BAPAK NAZAK"
"Boleh jangan main tak?cakap betul2"
She already call my sister in melaka about this matter and urgently call her to come home..
I just said wait and check to hospital due my sis are too worried usually..
I call my fiance..pick him up and urgently he drive to hospital speeding without concerns others..
But what dissapoint me "Kak..bapak dah takde"
I hate this..i hate when i remmember this memory..
I hate myself..
I miss him so much..
I miss to kiss his forehead..
I miss to hear his voice call us..
I miss to have his smell..
I miss his laugh..
Even my mum keep crying thinking about him..
Sunshine of our life..
How tired we are..
He always make us laugh..
Doakan ayah ku ditempatkan orang2 yang soleh
Kerna dia ayah terbaik pernah aku terima ..
Ayah terbaik pernah aku sayangi..
Today's i just got home from hospital
What dissapoint me is everything which happen in my life
Yesterday is my turn to take care of my fathers..
but how upset me is the doctor..
today..my dad is so ill and weak..
Even nurse can't give her any milk for energy since something get through my fathers nose..
okay its fine..
but something kick my head..when she said dat my father had less than 1 week to live for some reason of his weakness..which getting worse than what we think
i cant accept it..even my mum crying in front of me..
for me ..it always have hope..
until this evening..
my grandma, my auntie and my sisters..crying loudly while looking at my fathers...
even all his friends..
he such a nice fathers..kind of friends..everything we know about himm
his smile..funniest...strict...and mostly i love him so much...
doc said we can meet our father anytime we want without any permissions and even not in allowed time...
i'm still fine and silent all dat time..
until this nite while im sending my mum off home..
both of us peek inside of our house..
until i said to myself and my mum also realize it..
usually while we at home.,
we could hear my father motorcycle sounds..
which sign of he got home..
and im always hear that sound which make me look twice to outside ..
please show me that my dad home now..
but what can i do..the motorcycle already outside and always outside without his driver..
and my mum said..usuallly our house will not this silent..
it always full with tv sound because of my father will be at the sofa..
laugh loudly ..
and watch whatever his favorite movie and ask for parata from me..
and now i realize that i really can't live without him
i can;t accept everything now..
i need my father more than anything..
please help me now!
Please..
our family need him so much than he think..
don;t leave us after what happen now..
Please give us great strength to face everything
What dissapoint me is everything which happen in my life
Yesterday is my turn to take care of my fathers..
but how upset me is the doctor..
today..my dad is so ill and weak..
Even nurse can't give her any milk for energy since something get through my fathers nose..
okay its fine..
but something kick my head..when she said dat my father had less than 1 week to live for some reason of his weakness..which getting worse than what we think
i cant accept it..even my mum crying in front of me..
for me ..it always have hope..
until this evening..
my grandma, my auntie and my sisters..crying loudly while looking at my fathers...
even all his friends..
he such a nice fathers..kind of friends..everything we know about himm
his smile..funniest...strict...and mostly i love him so much...
doc said we can meet our father anytime we want without any permissions and even not in allowed time...
i'm still fine and silent all dat time..
until this nite while im sending my mum off home..
both of us peek inside of our house..
until i said to myself and my mum also realize it..
usually while we at home.,
we could hear my father motorcycle sounds..
which sign of he got home..
and im always hear that sound which make me look twice to outside ..
please show me that my dad home now..
but what can i do..the motorcycle already outside and always outside without his driver..
and my mum said..usuallly our house will not this silent..
it always full with tv sound because of my father will be at the sofa..
laugh loudly ..
and watch whatever his favorite movie and ask for parata from me..
and now i realize that i really can't live without him
i can;t accept everything now..
i need my father more than anything..
please help me now!
Please..
our family need him so much than he think..
don;t leave us after what happen now..
Please give us great strength to face everything
aku kehilangan kata-kata dalam hidup ku sekrang..
aku kehilangan deria dalam menikmati hidup
aku kehilangan diri dalam mencari erti
Tepat 1/11, tepat hari lahir ayah tercinta ku...
tepat juga waktu hilang erti hidupku..
1/11- ayah ku dimasukkan kehospital HSI atas kerna sakit kakinya..
tapi ia berlarutan dan mula worse sebaik shj ayah dikeluarkan dr hospital utk dlm seminggu shj..
dia semakin kurus..hilang selera makan..tak nak makan ubat..
kami sekeluarga cuba dan cuba..
akhirnya dalam minggu ke-3 , ayah disahkan menghidapi penyakit kanser..
1stly whole of my family didt accept..
after 1 month...he's getting worse...and its really hurt whole of our feelings...
akhirnya ayah disahkan kanser paru2..hidup kami terhenti seketika..
aku sering berdoa dan berharap bahwa ayah akan cepat sembuh ..
malah aku tak terima segala yg berlaku sehingga ketika skrg ini ayah dibenarkan pulang ats dasar...hanya menunggu masa...
segala yang berlaku begitu pantas..
setelah berita ayah sakit..hp yang aku beli atas usahaa ku sendiri..
yg ku timang dan sayang melebihi segalanya kerna satu2nya harta aku yang paling mahal..hehe..hilang dicuri...
hp diseluk ketika aku dan dia pergi membeli belah..
pada ketika itu hati ku uneasy...rasa tak sedap hati..
sebaik shj beli tiket wayang..aku terus seluk..
tp seriusly...aku memang rs nk menjerit..menangis dan menyumpah seluruh keluarga org yg curik tu..
tp akhirnya aku redha ..mgkn bukan rezeki aku..
keesokkannye...tunang aku pulak hilang hp..
nak sgt space antara kami..
ambik ko...kami dh kurang contact..
and the worse..fight all the time..
until both of us feel uneasy with each others..
more worse..for the 1st time...he say the words..
words which he prevent me to say...
which i always think whether is it the true and is us the right relationship to mend..
tp kalau aku fikirkan balik..klu bukan jodoh..mungkin dh lame tenggelam hubungan ni..
takdelah smpai 5 tahun...dh tunang pun..
so start from there..i try to accept that he and me are meant together and i need to tolerate even he suppose to be also..
the worse after that..my family start to break..
part by part..
tensions ...and kekeringan erti kata lain..
faham2 sendirilah..in other aspect
ulang alik hospital...
kurang duk rumah and try to fulfill dad wish...
i dont know what to say right now..
moreover...everything getting worse in my life..
sume serba tak kena..
sakit kepala tiap ari...
dgn mulut orang..
smpaikan psl kawen pun..aku dh mls nk pikir..
klu aku tahu dr awal...ms ayah suh nikah awal2..
dh lame aku penuhi...
coz inside my head only 1 things..i really want my child to know his grandpa..
due of my dad really like children...
but everything seems different now..
berdoa semoga yang terbaik berlaku dlm hidup kami..
ape yang terbaik untuk ayah ku..
itu aku yg haraqpkan..
kerna aku tidak sanggup melihat terseksa atas menahan kesakitan penyakitnya...
YA ALLAH..BANTU LAH AYAH KU MENEMPUHI SEGALANYA...
aku kehilangan deria dalam menikmati hidup
aku kehilangan diri dalam mencari erti
Tepat 1/11, tepat hari lahir ayah tercinta ku...
tepat juga waktu hilang erti hidupku..
1/11- ayah ku dimasukkan kehospital HSI atas kerna sakit kakinya..
tapi ia berlarutan dan mula worse sebaik shj ayah dikeluarkan dr hospital utk dlm seminggu shj..
dia semakin kurus..hilang selera makan..tak nak makan ubat..
kami sekeluarga cuba dan cuba..
akhirnya dalam minggu ke-3 , ayah disahkan menghidapi penyakit kanser..
1stly whole of my family didt accept..
after 1 month...he's getting worse...and its really hurt whole of our feelings...
akhirnya ayah disahkan kanser paru2..hidup kami terhenti seketika..
aku sering berdoa dan berharap bahwa ayah akan cepat sembuh ..
malah aku tak terima segala yg berlaku sehingga ketika skrg ini ayah dibenarkan pulang ats dasar...hanya menunggu masa...
segala yang berlaku begitu pantas..
setelah berita ayah sakit..hp yang aku beli atas usahaa ku sendiri..
yg ku timang dan sayang melebihi segalanya kerna satu2nya harta aku yang paling mahal..hehe..hilang dicuri...
hp diseluk ketika aku dan dia pergi membeli belah..
pada ketika itu hati ku uneasy...rasa tak sedap hati..
sebaik shj beli tiket wayang..aku terus seluk..
tp seriusly...aku memang rs nk menjerit..menangis dan menyumpah seluruh keluarga org yg curik tu..
tp akhirnya aku redha ..mgkn bukan rezeki aku..
keesokkannye...tunang aku pulak hilang hp..
nak sgt space antara kami..
ambik ko...kami dh kurang contact..
and the worse..fight all the time..
until both of us feel uneasy with each others..
more worse..for the 1st time...he say the words..
words which he prevent me to say...
which i always think whether is it the true and is us the right relationship to mend..
tp kalau aku fikirkan balik..klu bukan jodoh..mungkin dh lame tenggelam hubungan ni..
takdelah smpai 5 tahun...dh tunang pun..
so start from there..i try to accept that he and me are meant together and i need to tolerate even he suppose to be also..
the worse after that..my family start to break..
part by part..
tensions ...and kekeringan erti kata lain..
faham2 sendirilah..in other aspect
ulang alik hospital...
kurang duk rumah and try to fulfill dad wish...
i dont know what to say right now..
moreover...everything getting worse in my life..
sume serba tak kena..
sakit kepala tiap ari...
dgn mulut orang..
smpaikan psl kawen pun..aku dh mls nk pikir..
klu aku tahu dr awal...ms ayah suh nikah awal2..
dh lame aku penuhi...
coz inside my head only 1 things..i really want my child to know his grandpa..
due of my dad really like children...
but everything seems different now..
berdoa semoga yang terbaik berlaku dlm hidup kami..
ape yang terbaik untuk ayah ku..
itu aku yg haraqpkan..
kerna aku tidak sanggup melihat terseksa atas menahan kesakitan penyakitnya...
YA ALLAH..BANTU LAH AYAH KU MENEMPUHI SEGALANYA...