BuZZ...NoThInG mOrE...

Everything seem's unclear for me..
Everything seem's bored for me..
My mum keep think about him..
All we ever think and mambling about is only him..

Last 4 days ago..tuesday..
I'm still in office..and practice for audition...
But what i receive...about my dad..
"KAK, CEPAT DATANG HOSPITAL, BAPAK NAZAK"
"Boleh jangan main tak?cakap betul2"

She already call my sister in melaka about this matter and urgently call her to come home..
I just said wait and check to hospital due my sis are too worried usually..
I call my fiance..pick him up and urgently he drive to hospital speeding without concerns others..
But what dissapoint me "Kak..bapak dah takde"
I hate this..i hate when i remmember this memory..
I hate myself..

I miss him so much..
I miss to kiss his forehead..
I miss to hear his voice call us..
I miss to have his smell..
I miss his laugh..
Even my mum keep crying thinking about him..
Sunshine of our life..
How tired we are..
He always make us laugh..

Doakan ayah ku ditempatkan orang2 yang soleh
Kerna dia ayah terbaik pernah aku terima ..
Ayah terbaik pernah aku sayangi..

Today's i just got home from hospital
What dissapoint me is everything which happen in my life
Yesterday is my turn to take care of my fathers..
but how upset me is the doctor..
today..my dad is so ill and weak..
Even nurse can't give her any milk for energy since something get through my fathers nose..
okay its fine..
but something kick my head..when she said dat my father had less than 1 week to live for some reason of his weakness..which getting worse than what we think
i cant accept it..even my mum crying in front of me..
for me ..it always have hope..
until this evening..
my grandma, my auntie and my sisters..crying loudly while looking at my fathers...
even all his friends..
he such a nice fathers..kind of friends..everything we know about himm
his smile..funniest...strict...and mostly i love him so much...

doc said we can meet our father anytime we want without any permissions and even not in allowed time...
i'm still fine and silent all dat time..
until this nite while im sending my mum off home..
both of us peek inside of our house..
until i said to myself and my mum also realize it..
usually while we at home.,
we could hear my father motorcycle sounds..
which sign of he got home..
and im always hear that sound which make me look twice to outside ..
please show me that my dad home now..
but what can i do..the motorcycle already outside and always outside without his driver..
and my mum said..usuallly our house will not this silent..
it always full with tv sound because of my father will be at the sofa..
laugh loudly ..
and watch whatever his favorite movie and ask for parata from me..
and now i realize that i really can't live without him

i can;t accept everything now..
i need my father more than anything..
please help me now!
Please..
our family need him so much than he think..
don;t leave us after what happen now..

Please give us great strength to face everything

aku kehilangan kata-kata dalam hidup ku sekrang..
aku kehilangan deria dalam menikmati hidup
aku kehilangan diri dalam mencari erti

Tepat 1/11, tepat hari lahir ayah tercinta ku...
tepat juga waktu hilang erti hidupku..
1/11- ayah ku dimasukkan kehospital HSI atas kerna sakit kakinya..
tapi ia berlarutan dan mula worse sebaik shj ayah dikeluarkan dr hospital utk dlm seminggu shj..
dia semakin kurus..hilang selera makan..tak nak makan ubat..
kami sekeluarga cuba dan cuba..
akhirnya dalam minggu ke-3 , ayah disahkan menghidapi penyakit kanser..
1stly whole of my family didt accept..
after 1 month...he's getting worse...and its really hurt whole of our feelings...
akhirnya ayah disahkan kanser paru2..hidup kami terhenti seketika..

aku sering berdoa dan berharap bahwa ayah akan cepat sembuh ..
malah aku tak terima segala yg berlaku sehingga ketika skrg ini ayah dibenarkan pulang ats dasar...hanya menunggu masa...
segala yang berlaku begitu pantas..

setelah berita ayah sakit..hp yang aku beli atas usahaa ku sendiri..
yg ku timang dan sayang melebihi segalanya kerna satu2nya harta aku yang paling mahal..hehe..hilang dicuri...
hp diseluk ketika aku dan dia pergi membeli belah..
pada ketika itu hati ku uneasy...rasa tak sedap hati..
sebaik shj beli tiket wayang..aku terus seluk..
tp seriusly...aku memang rs nk menjerit..menangis dan menyumpah seluruh keluarga org yg curik tu..
tp akhirnya aku redha ..mgkn bukan rezeki aku..
keesokkannye...tunang aku pulak hilang hp..
nak sgt space antara kami..
ambik ko...kami dh kurang contact..
and the worse..fight all the time..
until both of us feel uneasy with each others..
more worse..for the 1st time...he say the words..
words which he prevent me to say...
which i always think whether is it the true and is us the right relationship to mend..
tp kalau aku fikirkan balik..klu bukan jodoh..mungkin dh lame tenggelam hubungan ni..
takdelah smpai 5 tahun...dh tunang pun..
so start from there..i try to accept that he and me are meant together and i need to tolerate even he suppose to be also..

the worse after that..my family start to break..
part by part..
tensions ...and kekeringan erti kata lain..
faham2 sendirilah..in other aspect
ulang alik hospital...
kurang duk rumah and try to fulfill dad wish...
i dont know what to say right now..
moreover...everything getting worse in my life..
sume serba tak kena..
sakit kepala tiap ari...
dgn mulut orang..
smpaikan psl kawen pun..aku dh mls nk pikir..
klu aku tahu dr awal...ms ayah suh nikah awal2..
dh lame aku penuhi...
coz inside my head only 1 things..i really want my child to know his grandpa..
due of my dad really like children...
but everything seems different now..
berdoa semoga yang terbaik berlaku dlm hidup kami..
ape yang terbaik untuk ayah ku..
itu aku yg haraqpkan..
kerna aku tidak sanggup melihat terseksa atas menahan kesakitan penyakitnya...

YA ALLAH..BANTU LAH AYAH KU MENEMPUHI SEGALANYA...

She's back!!
I dnt know how to describe my feelings..
whether happy or not..
but what i know just keep ur mouth shut from now..
coz i will earn unrespect everytime she;s back..
i dnt knw why..
yess, he right about me..
they are not respect me as well as eldest
but what could i say..
they the only one for me..
and sometimes we just have to ignore and swallow the hard things..
like what i felt tonite..

wanita,perempuan,
Keinginan,perasaan,
Hati..
Stiap wanita ingnkan ketulusan,keikhlasan,sayang,cinta,
Pernah tgk korean movie?
Walaupun dunia realiti dan filem tdk sempurna dan serupa,
Tp dapatkah hati mhalang ble jiwa menginginkan sesuatu mustahl atau x pasti,
Even menöntonya mberi kepuasan,

Women cant resist life whch full of love,
Women love men who love just her and world juz both of them,
Women love surprise even small thngs,
Women love attention when men give fully and knw evrythng about her&remember single thngs,
Women like 2 be care&soft spoken,
And mostly we can knw when we met our eyes with him,
Mybe ridicolous,mybe fairy tails,
But hw u feel when the guys could sacrifice anythng juz 4 u,
And u will always feel safe with him,
No need to be nerd or strict,
Juz try out to be care with love,
And woman will feel the same 2.
Try watch korean movie

kantoi..kantoi..
Xfhm tul!
At 1st i thought dis blog 4 my xpressions and feelings but 2 days ago,he told me dat he had read my blog.
Oh mY! I juz like 2 write so i wont blast out juz like b4 how bad my feeling and had deep expressions&moreover bad.
Last nite i fight with my sis,huh bad sis.i knw evry1 wont nvr knw my feelings.im little bit secretive&knw wat i do.but people will see me like i dnt care or wat.deep in heart juz i knw wat i plan and what i do.and why im doing dat.but its always had misundstndg whch smtimes im silent..
What 4 we fight..if the results will always our fault.im tired&heard frm my sis said about me.
Juz back off and shut up.silent!
Try to be tough but then cry..
Even whtevr my sis do.i juz thnk its reali my fault.even hurt.cant dare to blame and bck 2 normal.my feelings juz said u r d bad sis.why ur sm1 special,him always said so&blame complaint bout u.thnk bout u,
Accept pls!

huh!felt uneasy and so sensitif
Nt evry1 can take it our attitude,
Nt evry1 can accept who we r,
Even the close 1,
Even the nice 1,
When the time is comes,
They will start tired and make face without we notice,
I like 2 chat and i like to tell what i felt,
Like 2 write diary so dat less talk,
When sm1 notice,and said diary 4 pscyho&depressed,
I stop writing and its make me more talk,
And start uneasy feeling when i felt i start make uncomfortble envirnmt 4 people,
I thought im gd in relation&communicate,
Its seems like dats only me who so perasan,
Im just being myself
I cant hate myself but its make me lose my identity &cnfuse all the time,
Lose faith and being loser!
Huh~depressed look at mirror.
Go babe~

npe byk sgt rules?
Npe tindak tanduk kte slalu slh?
Xboleh cmni,xblh cm2..
Bgus klu saling menegur.
Tp kdg2 nk gak selamba,happy gila2 tp guys different perspective.
Cuba jgn cmni dpn org..
Tgk 2 org tgk..
Malu tau..
U gurau xkna tmpt lah!

Ok fine.klu cube nk mengulas,jwpn nye 'i dah tahu u xblh terima pnye'..
'2 yg mls nk tgur'..
'u mane blh ajak bncg'

So jwpn bg kte: snyp je lah.nk wt cne.kte gak slh,
~huh..haiyoo..~

hari ni entah kenapa hati aku cm marah..
bingit and tak senang....
actually senang cite seriusly sensitif..
why every men tak pnh sensitif dgn perasaan pmpuan..
i know he tired..but i dnt knw why..
deep in my heart..
i always said im always tired...
but no matter how tired i am..
he always my priorities especially we will getting married
i dont know why but usually when im tired and he;s there..
i felt comfortable and all my tired gone away..
but of course for a men usually different..

I HATE THIS FEELINGS..
I HATE WHEN HE ANGRY..
I HATE ALL THIS..

hye there!
Smthng filling fully and exceeding in my head.
Why girls/woman looks more beautiful aftr married?
Especially..menjelang waktu kahwin.kecantikan nye sgt menyerlah.lepas kawen lg lah keba boombastic.mengalahkan anak dara.cntek sgt!(admire so much).
E.g u can see artis2..yg br2 ni raja farah.
All my auntie b4 married randomly just plain like us tapi.pas kawen haiyoo,cntek bangat dong.bdn pn magnificent.haha..
Wondering..hm..

Fllw by my fiance,guys usually but nt all more hypnotized by girl whom own by others such as engaged,married and janda.
Bak kata seorg lelaki,'sdgkan kapal blh dirampas,inikan pula isteri org.'
Hati manusia pn blh berubah bak pntai dan laut yang ad pasang surutnya!
Issyy..mintak djauhkan dr ak dan keluarga.simpang malaikat 44.

P.s:ingt nk letak pic pbezaan wanita2 sblm dan slps kawen.busylah kt opis.blk nanti lah.hehe

what u do when life ar not expected?
What did you do when love as not you dream?
What did u do when u r the only one ur family depends of?

Aku tdk pnh tfkr akn 3 ayat i2 hingga smpai waktunye ak menjelang dwasa.
brumur 24thn pd 5bulan lalu.
Haish..hwevr still lucky even love nt as xpectd.
he always be there.pnh skali kami nk try xpyh jmpe.utk smggu knn2.tp mstilah jmpe even jap tnye khbr like evryday he ask 'keje mcm mane ari ni?ad mslh?' atau 'hari ni nk g mane?'

Love as we dream.well all girls knw that..coz even nt much.still its there.pretty thought,evry special day or smtimes.its full of surprise.well guys nwadays,u knw how rite?sm1 who build castle juz 4 us and nt try to ruin it.its pretty lucky!romantic nt too much.yg pntg walau scntik mana pn wanita,he still felt us the best.but ad lg ke lelaki cm2?hehe.for my guy,the best thng.he like evrythng and best fwen.

Family-hm..24 hours blk uma.kind of sad and wnri.why nt.?i wnt to give the best.but who could determine our own dstiny.try fllw dis wave 'I WANNA BE A BILLIONAIRE SO FREAKING BAD'. Very funny but true..ahakz

i just felt very angry today!!
Why people will never think about past?
Don't they know that past will make we appreciate people more and will not loses them for future..
Why doesnt they think before get angry and sound people whenever they like..
Sometimes not everything we done..we must tell people ...
but not everything we done,people will not notice..
give attention and felt it..
all people have their own contribution..
don't ever say that it was a burden if you doesnt no anything about it..
hear from others doesnt make it right always..

Sometimes mouth not good if we are not careful to throw it..
like me..i know how bad i am in conversations..
i know how bad i am in everything even he keep babling to me..
which sometimes i felt he doenst accept me by who i am..
but whatever happen today and next..i m trying and trying to support him no matter wat..
bcoz i know who he is inside and outside even i always felt hurt when he GET angry ..
but i know we cant change people just like dat..
we need to build it by love..
im still patient and patient waiting ...

Sacrifice is a big thing happen in his life..
but the people he sacrifice for never think about him at all..
moreover if it was own blood..
how hurt we are when we knew about it..


xoxo..FAMILY IS IMPORTANT
BUT HOW ABOUT FAMILY WHO LOOSEN THE TIE RELATIONSHIP..

Kadang - kadang aku tak faham dengan keadaan yang menimpa keluarga,
sekejap ok..kejap tak ok
tapi semuanya hanya berpunca pd satu...
aku pun tak tahu nk selesaikan macam mane..
yang aku tahu otak ni gila kusut bila smpai masanya..


Semalam aku gaduh dgn si dia...
gila marah die kat aku ..sedangkan hnya skali aku msg die suh cpt..
aku tahu die pnt..
tu kadang2 aku nyesal atau rs serba salah nk ajak si dia..
tp nk wt cne..die dh memang sebahagian hidup aku..
bile die takde..aku rs kosong and bosan..
tp juz bcoz one msg..
he drive my car like crazy...
shout at me..and angry coz im not understand him..
aku tak tahu kenapa tp aku kuatkan smgt and juz snyp..
die tnye aku still masih blh berlembut..
ni semua kerana kawan ku..
die dh tunggu aku kt shell nk ajak g beraya uma leader ku..
so die slalu ajar aku..jgn wt org tertunggu2 kite..
sbb aku pun tahu how it felt rite?
i dnt knw dat he will be dat angry..
is it my fault?
dlm otak aku ms tu hanya satu..
satu pihak kerana kawan..satu pihak kerana sayang..
aku masih berpura2 gembira walaupun sering dimarah..
mybe dh sebati..
lagipun kite kan nk kawen..
i cant imagine my married life if we are not tolerate..
lgpun aku kenal die..
tak lama pas2 pasti dia akan berfikir sndiri and try to ask me forgiveness..
there he is..im sori sayang"
so there i am..even the mood spoil...juz try not to make it more longer argurement..
moreover im getting married rite?

Especially for today..
my neigbourh will be married tomorrow..
im so jeles...
bila lah rezeki aku nk smpai..
moreover..all my neighbour keep asking me about my date..
huh...sape tak nk kawen lebih2 lagi arini temankan si dia g beli barng baby utk present his frends..
we keep chose and dont knw why inside my heart,...im so touch..
when is my day?
tp i dnt want to make he worried or bored especially about money..
but the funny thing is ..
he said suddenly : cute pulak brg baby ni..cm nk cepat kawen jek..hahah


i love him so much..love so much

Salam to everybody who read my blog,

Well nothing interesting for the moment which full with problem in my head now..
You know why...cause it too full and felt to blast out..

Firstly, new story about me ..
I have my own car now

Saga SE white colour(pic coming soon)..actually forgot to take my own car pic
Its so nice to have our own car even its heavy to carry the way of owned the car...
My new house which still waiting for car keys in Taman Scientex which however sharing and caring with my fiance..
New story : I'am getting married soon which no dates for the moments because some problem

Now i'm working at some place(cannot mention here) which ok and absolutely fine for me but of course as degree holder even not ask for more but of course we would love to have increment..
this job..ok! Salary..ok!but still not enough..
Well first child rite...family..married and bla..bla..
all using money..so i need to chaiyoook more about my carier..

More story will coming out about me , him, family and my family..
wait soon..

Tengok tak cerita Adamaya kawan2..
Mustahil tak tgk lagi2 Sein ngn Lisa berlakon kan..
Mahu tak menarik gila ..(nsb bek tak gile)
So hakikat yang aku ingin kongsikan adalah mengenai cinta selepas kawen..
Bak kata blog Ben Ashaari tu..

Well kalau dlm drama tu menunjukkan Lisa Surihani menjadi isteri yang curang..
aku sbnrnye memandangnya dari sudut lain ..
Memanglah of course and absolutely dlm cerita tu Maya terang2 salah..
tp on the same time..
kite kene pikir..
perempuan ni lepas kawen ade satu fasa mood yang agak berbeza..
especially lelaki kene lah memberi perhatian..
klu lelaki nak perempuan menjaga makan pakaian dan ape sahaja mengenainya..
tetapi perempuan pula memerlukan perhatian dan belaian yang sangat2 tinggi dari seorang lelaki..'
lelaki bukan sahaja perlulah beriman dan bertanggungjawab, ada $$, tetapi sesungguhnya peranan menjadi kekasih a.k.a suami juga perlu..
ibarat mulut dan perilaku memainkan peranan penting..
Nak tahu ape dia..

bijak mengambil hati..kata2 manis dan SURPRISE...
wanita..sesiapa sahaja sukakan surprise..
dan kata2 yang manis membuatkan bibir wanita akan tersenyum
walaupun hati ckp..
"yeye jek suami aku ni.."
tp bila dok sorang2..
tersengih gak klu teringat..hehe
taklah memerlukan hadiah yang mahal2...tetapi sesekali bila buat surprise dan mengingat sesuatu yang lelaki anggap remeh selalunya membuatkan wanita rasa dihargai..
malah walaupun dok umah menguruskan suami ...
bosan mcm manepun..
msh dok setia gak..
takkan crk lain punyelah mcm MAYA tu..
Adam memang lelaki yang baik..
tp die kurang sesuatu...
suami yang baik tetapi bukan kekasih yang baik..
klu awal perkahwinan mereka, adam pandai mengambil hati tetapi mengapa lepas 5 tahun..
dating atau surprise dh tak wujud..
perkahwinan indah adalah sebuah ikatan dan kasih sayang yang masih wujud walaupun bertahun lamanya..
mcm cerita DATE NIGHT..
even dah kawen pun..they still hang out together and date..
sbb perempuan bukan hanya teman sebilik tetapi ibarat perkongsian untuk segala2nya..

Bekerja..
yess..perempuan faham betapa busynya seorang lelaki itu dalam bekerja..
tetapi mengapa mereka sering sesuatu yang penting antara isteri nya...
terlampau kuat bekerja sehingga lupa keluarga..
mungkin sekali dua isteri tidak berkata ape2..
tetapi klu dh berkali2...dh byk kali..
apekah perasaan seorang manusia..
and letakkan diri seorang lelaki di tempat itu..
mintak tolong sesuatu..lupa..
anniversary lupe..
bday lupe..
dating lupe..
hadiah lupe..
semua lupa..
ape yang ingat..

Such lovely day dat day..
Now im showing for all of you our pic ..
b4 we end our nice relationship to more seriously..
Ahakkkzz...
Not so beautiful pic..
but lovely for me..
Lovely him so much..
Nothing will change my heart even his appearance change..
Tonite..i will upload our pic ..
From our first met...until now....
Muah...love u all....enjoy!!

Tired lor...day work and nite work...
Well what can i do..usaha tangga kejayaan..
susah dulu, bersenang kemudian ..


So nothing special in my life rite now..
Juz work..work..work..work..(Takde ayat len ke??)
Very tired and sometimes feel like to faint..
Well..so many complicateds customers, bank and lawyers..(mcm2 ragam)...

so tired today...
start with new things to do..
shopping for hantaran..
and looking for new car..
huh..
not so easy to find the rite one which suit with our income..

hm...what next??
looking for part time jobs which more relax..
need more money now..
so many things need to do..
new list in life..
what else??
wait and see..
however nice day today with him..
how much i love him
cant be mention in words..
and how happy i am as long im with him..
and i hate dat today..
coz term of life ..
panas tidak berpanjangan..
kadangkala hujan ditengahari..